i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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