I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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