your thong is hanging out like whoa
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
