i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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