It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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