naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
