You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
