I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
