smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
