Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
