i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
