he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
