Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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