operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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