The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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