Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
