Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
