You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
