You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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