I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
