just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
