Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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