i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
