oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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