I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
