you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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