i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
