I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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