i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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