So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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