life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The air was thick with penises
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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