my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
