I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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