I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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