they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
MIDGETS
????
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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