Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
