somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
