it's too hot outside to masturbate.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
