Dude my mom stole all your condoms
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
17 year olds will be the death of me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
