I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
