If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
