We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
