and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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