If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
