You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Say something about gay babies.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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