yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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