So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
