Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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