If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
