He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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