why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
