Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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