Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
