hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
