he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
