I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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