The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
