I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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