This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
