dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
