if you like me you must not know who I am
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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