nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
