I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
