Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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