not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You can't just leave with hair like that
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
