you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
