There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
