Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
