I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
did i walk over a car last night?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
