I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
