You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
