Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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